Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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