Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
operation have a gay friend backfired
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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