dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
