called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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