It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
