just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
