Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
