This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
