Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
