Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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