fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize