The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
