i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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