i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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