So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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