I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize