He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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