We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
