my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
