Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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