I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
