I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Randomize
