despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
