It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
