If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
