I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
