she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
