I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize