Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize