i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize