So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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