hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
