It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
