Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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