My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
