i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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