If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
