is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
