I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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