I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
