i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
