I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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