Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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