help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
