Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize