Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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