Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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