I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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