i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
