Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
