If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
