i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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