We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
