Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
