ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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