i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
