I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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