On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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