Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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