you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
