I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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