I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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