Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
