No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
