just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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