I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
