so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
