Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
